Business Plan Guides for the New Year and Other Jokes

It is that time of year in which resources are pruned and rallied around new business plans. I know this is a serious subject. We have excellent articles here in Blue MauMau, the web's franchise community. But, the little imp in me can't help himself. He wants equal time. So here are some unsaid messages to guide your planning and to imbue true business wisdom to your team. -don-

• Aim Low, Reach Your Goals, Avoid Disappointment.
• Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
• If you can stay calm, while all around you is chaos...then you probably haven't completely understood the seriousness of the situation.
• Doing a job RIGHT the first time gets the job done. Doing the job WRONG fourteen times gives you job security.
• A person who smiles in the face of adversity probably has a scapegoat.

And there's much more...

• If at first you don't succeed, try management.
• Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid altogether.
• TEAMWORK...means never having to take all the blame yourself.
• Rome did not create a great empire by having meetings, they did it by killing all those who opposed them.
• The beatings will continue until morale improves.
• We waste time so you don't have to.
• When the going gets tough, the tough take a coffee break.
• INDECISION is the key to FLEXIBILITY.
• Succeed in spite of management.

It is also important to understand the realities of running a franchise as you anticipate problems and plan for them in the New Year. Frank’s Laws of Running a Franchise help. -don-

Frank's Laws of Running a Franchise

1. After deciding to clean out the office, a week later the useless thing that you threw out will be needed.
2. When you finally sell an item that has been in your store for over two years at a large discount, a customer will invariably come in a day later who is willing to pay top dollar for it.
3. The telephone always rings as soon as you go to the bathroom when you’re alone in the store.
4. When you put $100 in small change in your cash register, the first customer of the day will buy something for $5 and hands you a $100 bill.
5. After you hire extra help and new equipment for a single customer, your large account will cancel their business.
6. During major sales (usually on the weekend), the credit card terminal invariably breaks down.
7. The weekend you plan a 3-day get-a-way, you get a rush job due Monday.
8. After three years of working without a vacation, you finally take one. Two days later you get a call from the store manager that half of your employees walked off the job.
9. The day of your son's big game, your number one client shows up and wants to take you out for a drink.

And finally, the New Year is a time of renewal both for your business and for staff. Some staff may leave so here are some guidelines in today’s litigious environment for writing letters of recommendation. -don-

LETTERS OF RECOMMENDATION

THE PROBLEM.
Having to write letters of recommendation for people with very dubious qualifications can cause serious legal troubles in a time when laws have eroded the confidentiality of business letters. In most states, job applicants have the right to read the letters of recommendations and can even file suit against the writer if the contents are negative.

THE SOLUTION
Here is an arsenal of statements that can be read two ways: You are able to state a negative opinion of the ex-employees poor work habits, while allowing the ex-employee to believe that it is high praise. When the writer uses these, whether perceived correctly or not by the ex-employee, the phrases are virtually litigation-proof.

1. To describe a person who is extremely lazy: "In my opinion," you say as sincerely as you can manage, "you will be very fortunate to get this person to work for you."
2. To describe a person who is totally inept: "I most enthusiastically recommend this candidate with no qualifications whatsoever."
3. To describe an ex-employee who had problems getting along with fellow workers: "I am pleased to say that this candidate is a former colleague of mine."
4. To describe a candidate who is so unproductive that the job would be better left unfilled: "I can assure you that no person would be better for the job."
5. To describe a job applicant who is not worth further consideration: "I would urge you to waste no time in making this candidate an offer of employment."
6. 6. To describe a person with lackluster credentials: "All in all, I cannot say enough good things about this candidate or recommend him too highly."