'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the town
Not a franchise was stirring, not even Ground Round.

Well it’s official. People in Australia who can drive a van and make a great cup of coffee are smarter than Californians. This study is said to have taken 1 year.

In unconfirmed reports, the drive-thru business at KFC in Derbyshire just picked up as nearby McDonalds installed minimum standards on small vehicle emission systems and conservationists are said to be overjoyed at the massive media coverage.

The Onion asks people on the street for their take:

According to experts, the Connecticut-based franchise chain, consisting of franchises that skewer pieces of fruit into strange floral-like bouquets, has defied all modern economic models by growing for over ten years despite any discernible consumer appeal.