Nobody Asked Me, But...

  1. Does anyone take a bath in a hotel bathroom?
  2. Why do room attendants fold the corners of toilet paper into a V? Is it to help the germs fall off?
  3. Why do hotel blackout drapes close all except the last half inch- which provides exactly the angle at which the very first 6:05 AM sunrise beam slants right into your eye and no other place in the room?
  4. Why do hotels still shrink-wrap soap; especially when airport security has taken away all of our sharp items?
  5. Why do hotels usually stock the bathroom with 2 large towels in rooms that sleep four guests?
  6. Why is it that your airplane always arrives at or leaves from the gate farthest from the terminal?
  7. The number of pool towels needed for a seven-night sailing on Disney Cruise Line is 15,225.
  8. Did you know that the typical Bed & Breakfast has only eight guestrooms, that 83% of all B&B owners live on the premises while 88% describe themselves as “active” in their operations?
  9. How come the minibars are always stocked with fattening M&Ms and Chocolate bars instead of healthier munchies, like granola bars and Slimfast?
  10. Why is it that the “fasten your seat belts” and “return to cabin” signs in airplanes always come on when you’re in the lavatory?
  11. Did you know that in 1900: the average life expectancy in the United States was 47; only 14% of the homes had a bathtub; there were only 8000 cars and only 144 miles of paved roads; Alabama, Mississippi, Iowa and Tennesse were each more heavily populated than California; more than 95% of all births took place at home; the population of Las Vegas, Nevada was only 30 people.
  12. Isn’t it annoying to find a lamp switch up near the bulb or on the wire somewhere behind the furniture?
  13. In some hotels, it’s against the house regulations to pick up soiled room service trays in the corridors until the third day or until they reach a peak of rancidity- whichever comes last.
  14. Two states that depend heavily on tourism, along with one less obvious candidate are spending the most to promote tourism. Hawaii, Illinois and Florida have the biggest budgets for marketing to potential visitors.
  15. Why is it that there is never a convenient electrical outlet for the iron in your hotel room?
  16. Every time you attempt to plug-in your laptop, the desk outlet is already full and overloaded.
  17. Was Charles Kuralt (CBS “On the Road”) right when he wrote about the perils of travel:
  • Never sleep on the side of the bed next to the telephone (everyone sits there destroying the mattress on that side)
  • Carry a big safety pin (to close blackout draperies that never meet)
  • Carry a rubber sink stopper (for bad bathroom plumbing)
  • Always bring 2 100 watt bulbs (to improve the lighting at the night table and on the desk)

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Stanley Turkel, MHS, ISHC, is a New York-based hotel consultant specializing in hotel franchising issues, asset management and litigation support services. He is also available for due diligence studies for an acquisition, a third-party audit of a marketing or operational problem, an expert review of a management contract or a franchise agreement, or litigation support. Mr. Turkel is a member of the International Society of Hospitality Consultants and can be reached at 917-628-8549 or email at stanturkel@aol.com

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Comments

More Hotel Jokes

Funny. Here's a few of my favorite hotel jokes to add to your list.

  • There was a girl knocking on my hotel room door all night! Finally, I let her out
  • This is a high class hotel! Room service has an unlisted number.
  • My room is so small, the mice are hunchbacked.
  • The room is so small, when I put the key in, I broke the window!